Lord-God Google

[…]
Serene: All Hail Messiah Google.
Nikky: And on the 7th day, god created Google.
Nikky: And they went forth and collected our private data to sell to advertisers.
Nikky: And it was good for a time.
Nikky: Then in the East a rising menace was born: Facebook.
Serene: *imperial march sounds*
Nikky: Utilising the power of social networking, Facebook threatened all that Google held dear.
Nikky: There was great gnashing of teeth and many battles were fought.
Serene: And alas Google could not offer up the exes and time killing that Facebook could, and died a slow and painful death.
Nikky: When Zuckerberg was murdered by scheming agents of Google.
Nikky: His followers began a great purge of the countryside, and destroyed the Ethernet cards of all those who did not have a blue “F” logo above their door.
Serene: a gnoming, evil Zuckerberg spraypainting F’s all over.
Nikky: In punishment for their hubris, the Google headquarters was destroyed in a great EMP burst from the sky.
Nikky: And, children, that is how God-Company Facebook came to bless us with bountiful harvests of personal data.
Serene: Let the skies rain down with the binary tears of our privacy and self-worth and sense of value.
Serene: All hail GODZUCK.
Nikky: You may need to provide a sacrifice to the great oracle for that insight.
Nikky: Enter in a piece of personal information now.
Nikky: (And a reminder: SSNs earn double points!)
Serene: I already told Facebook my middle name.
Serene: What more could GODZUCK want.
Nikky: DNA sample.
Nikky: Please use the enclosed Facebook DNA Swab and send it to the following lab.
Serene: I imagine the swab would be royal blue. And the postage would have a thumbs up.
Nikky: And include farmville.
Serene: Effing farmville.
[…]

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