This might seem like a silly post to anyone else reading, but as with most everything I write here, I treat this as a journal entry that someone else might stumble upon and enjoy.
This marks the end of the first quarter of 2009, the beginning of spring, and hopefully the beginning of the end for a rather sudden yet impacting event in my life. I think I’ve been shouldering the load as well as I could, but just about everyone I talk to agrees that I need this spring break. And although I don’t like to admit it for some reason, they’re absolutely right. It’s only been around 5 weeks since I happened into the ER, but since then I’ve had to suddenly and unexpectedly deal with balancing not only a demanding and increasingly busy class schedule, but contend with missing class at short notice, scheduling appointments, constant visits to the medical center, and never knowing what I had. Then just when I was gearing up for the final push into the last week of class and finals, I had urgent surgery and hospitalization. I thought that week to recover would be enough to work on my homework and try to get some order back into my life, but it wasn’t even close.
Finishing off the quarter wasn’t really a photo finish… it was a shuffling zombie walk. A zombie who can’t walk very fast or think very clearly because of his medications. Just as a sign of where I was… after my doctor had ran through the diagnosis and treatment, my dad was talking about how relieved he was and such, and I was just kind of sitting there pondering. The doctor made a comment to me that I should be smiling. And I was on the inside, but I was so weary it was just too much to let it show. It was then I realized just how badly I needed some time off.
I’m writing this in a new system theme I just threw up. All the text is a dark red, all the windows are black except for a very dark grey background for some areas just to give contrast. I just spent an hour or two outside my family home with my laptop running Stellarium, a mini-maglight (2x AAA) with a 20% Red filter taped on the end. I had forgotten how much I love sitting on the pile of shells on our beach, staring at the wide expanse of water lit by the rare light on the distant shore, listening to the soft lapping of the waves and hearing the slight breeze going through the trees behind me. It was a little chilly, but I like being cold. It makes you feel like you’re alive, like you’re experiencing something.
And when you look up, how the mind can wander in awe of the infinite space. Like a developing picture before your eyes, the stars slowly come into focus and they begin to fill the sky with their beacons of light piercing through the heavens. You can forget about the present and imagine that you are the only person on Earth, and you can find your own formations and pictures in the sky. How we see the stars is as unique as our souls.
I also saw a shooting star, and made a wish.