Yoga on Mount Everest: A Guide to Dress for Success

It’s a Thursday, you’re tired, hungover, and woke up late. And you just happen to be a female going to college. What should you wear to fit into this season’s latest fashions? Luckily I’m here, and made this handy how-to guide to dress for success in the demanding academic environment.

Yoga Pants:

What better way to show off yourself than a pair of nice tight fitting yoga pants. I use the term “pants” in the loosest sense, since they seem to be basically tights with slightly more shape and cost about three times as much. But some rules you must follow to fit in: they must be black, you must not wear any form of pants over them, and a Nike logo is a plus.

North Face Fleece:

Nothing says “I must be ready to climb the highest mountain in the world” like a homogeneous black North Face fleece. Now you too can pretend to be the member of a herd of cattle with your Greek-system approved North Face wear. It isn’t rain-resistant, not that warm, and is pretty ugly–but you can wear it every day without having to care about what others think. Because chances are that they will be wearing one too!

Ugg Boots:

With no traction and suited for polar climates–these boots are the perfect choice for moderate climate Seattle which receives plenty of rain a year. Nothing quite sets a fashion statement like putting on your hideous pair of Ugg boots over your yoga pants. Because that statement is “I’m too special to care.”

North Face Backpack:

These crappily constructed, poorly named, and overpriced backpacks are the perfect choice for the Yoga-pant wearing individual. Be sure to wear it up on your back so you can show off your rear end that is so elegantly framed by the yoga pants you’re wearing.

Coach Purse:

Because everything important is actually in your Coach Purse. The backpack is there for the look.

There you have it. Now you too can dress to fit in!