It’s a Thurs­day, you’re tired, hun­gover, and woke up late. And you just hap­pen to be a female going to col­lege. What should you wear to fit into this season’s lat­est fash­ions? Luck­ily I’m here, and made this handy how-to guide to dress for suc­cess in the demand­ing aca­d­e­mic environment.

Yoga Pants:

What bet­ter way to show off your­self than a pair of nice tight fit­ting yoga pants. I use the term “pants” in the loos­est sense, since they seem to be basi­cally tights with slightly more shape and cost about three times as much. But some rules you must fol­low to fit in: they must be black, you must not wear any form of pants over them, and a Nike logo is a plus.

North Face Fleece:

Noth­ing says “I must be ready to climb the high­est moun­tain in the world” like a homo­ge­neous black North Face fleece. Now you too can pre­tend to be the mem­ber of a herd of cat­tle with your Greek-system approved North Face wear. It isn’t rain-resistant, not that warm, and is pretty ugly–but you can wear it every day with­out hav­ing to care about what oth­ers think. Because chances are that they will be wear­ing one too!

Ugg Boots:

With no trac­tion and suited for polar climates–these boots are the per­fect choice for mod­er­ate cli­mate Seat­tle which receives plenty of rain a year. Noth­ing quite sets a fash­ion state­ment like putting on your hideous pair of Ugg boots over your yoga pants. Because that state­ment is “I’m too spe­cial to care.”

North Face Back­pack:

These crap­pily con­structed, poorly named, and over­priced back­packs are the per­fect choice for the Yoga-pant wear­ing indi­vid­ual. Be sure to wear it up on your back so you can show off your rear end that is so ele­gantly framed by the yoga pants you’re wearing.

Coach Purse:

Because every­thing impor­tant is actu­ally in your Coach Purse. The back­pack is there for the look.

There you have it. Now you too can dress to fit in!