I’ve found reli­gion. I’m none other than one who believes in the Fly­ing Spaghetti Mon­ster as our one true deity. It’s my sub­tle “screw you” to all you “god is the only one” types out there. So if you insult my reli­gion, I’ll be forced to smite you; actu­ally, He’ll smite you with His invis­i­ble noodly appendage. Watch out. Oh, and if you really think about this with­out any bias and prej­u­dics, there’s just as much evi­dence sup­port­ing my god as there is sup­port­ing yours.

Source: Venganza.org

While I’m at it, I also feel like explain­ing the causes of global warm­ing. If you’re a lib­eral you think it’s caused by human­ity dump­ing prodi­gious amounts of poi­son into our atmos­phere; Repub­li­cans think that it’s a nat­ural cycle, and mother Earth (an exten­sion of the Fly­ing Spaghetti Mon­ster) will heal her­self in due time. I, how­ever, sup­port a third, and (once the facts are con­sid­ered) obvi­ously true argu­ment, that global warm­ing is a direct cor­re­la­tion to the decrease in the num­ber of pirates. This handy, byte­sized (well 30,500 bytes, to be exact­ingly pre­cise) graph will explain what my words can­not do: pen­e­trate your thick skull.